Merry fucking Ho Ho's.

Yesterday was the first Christmas I've ever spent away from my children.

IO said weeks ago that this weekend we'd go down to see my family. He reneged. His reasoning being that "Well I don't get to see my family, so it only seems fair."

For the sake of clarity, his family ALL lives in town. He didn't go see them because he didn't WANT to.

I was depressed, downtrodden, & sad something fierce. But still, I put on a happy face, & drew him his (now traditional) Holiday Smut & baked him a custard pie. I made Xmas dinner out of random shit in the kitchen, because the electric was due TODAY (about $300, since he never fully pays a bill.) It was decent mind you. Green beans, mashed TATERS & gravy, 3 cheese macaroni, biscuits, fried spinach, & 2 BBQ'd canned hams. Plus the custard pie & a pound cake w/ Xmas decorations. While I did all of this he slept & played video games.

I STILL got accused of "ruining Christmas" due to my depression.

ALSO...

His daughter calls at about 4. "Can you come & pick me up?"
"Nope! Not coming to pick you up. Bye now!"

Me: "Why won't you go get her?"
Him: "What? And let her & her mother walk all over me?"

O.o

I retract the previous entry in which I stated that he loved his daughter. He obviously couldn't fucking care less.

This was reinforced by this exchange about an hour later.

Me: "Why are you so moody?"
Him: "Oh, so YOU can be moody 'cos YOUR kids aren't here but I can't?"

NO. NO YOU FUCKING CAN'T. YOUR child is FIVE FUCKING MINUTES AWAY FROM YOU, yet you WON'T go pick her up on FUCKING CHRISTMAS DAY. MY children are SIX HOURS AWAY. You SWORE you would take me to see them, but you reneged on that shit, which was of course, MY fault. Because me being eternally depressed & sobbing constantly wasn't enough of a reminder for you to fucking make good on your promises.

But you know what? ALL of this, EVERY SINGLE FUCKING OUNCE, is FINE. FUCKING FINE. WHY?

Because now I know 100% for certain that I wasted 3 years on your STUPID ass.
Now I know that you care for NO ONE but yourself.
Now I know that all you want is CONTROL. When you don't get it, you act like a CHILD.

And now? Just as soon as I possibly can be, I'm DONE with you. 100% DONE.